Op ed: He called me a gold digger…. and I didn’t mind it

Opinion piece

 

Conditioning:

As women, we are conditioned to place a large emphasis on labels. Some of us even place our value on them. Terms like Slut, Whore, and Gold-digger have been used to hurt us for years. To slice through our confidence and self-worth like a hot knife through butter. The same way terms like wife, and mother seem to validate us. Personally, I stopped placing value on other people’s opinions of me a long time ago. (Ok it did take me like 28 years to get there, but I got there).

The date:

I remember a few years ago, before I met my fiancé. I was on a date at Mythos, Design Quarter with a super good-looking guy. He was kind of short, had dark hair, blue eyes, he was sweet! We had a great time, laughed a lot, and enjoyed good food. Towards the end of the evening, he popped up and said ‘Everyone said you were a gold digger, but I’m so happy I decided to go out with you anyway, as you’re actually a really nice girl.’’ My initial reaction was shock, hurt, and embarrassment. Then I took a deep breath, looked into those big blue eyes, and said ‘what if I am a gold digger?’ and he was like ‘what?’

Discussion:

I said, ‘let’s discuss this, what is your definition of a gold digger?’ to which he replied, ‘a woman who wants to marry a rich guy for his money’. I replied ‘what’s wrong with that?’ He looked uncomfortable.

I then explained, well, I’m highly educated, I’ve climbed my way up the corporate ladder and I earn a good salary, I drive a nice car, travel, eat at great restaurants, and live in a nice house and having a gorgeous family.  So, what would a girl like me, be looking for in a life partner? Let me tell you….

Someone who forces me to level up. Someone who inspires me to be better – financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. What attributes does a high-income male encompass – drive, ambition, leadership, structure, balance, and strength. Why wouldn’t I want that? When you say I shouldn’t go for a man with money, are you proposing I aim for an average guy, with an average job, doing average things? While I’m out here doing everything in my power to ensure I’m above average?

That may be fine for some people, but that is not the life I want to live, I want to be with someone better than me and that is ok. And if that makes me a gold digger, then that’s ok too.

Gold digger tendencies:

This guy took a step back and said ‘wow, I’ve never thought of it that way before.’ We were living in 2015 and this guy didn’t think a high achieving woman could want to be with someone at the same level as her, because women can only be after a man for his money, not for what he brings to the table in terms of empowering her mental and emotional stability, and for her wellbeing. So, the next time someone uses a label to try and hurt you, take a step back, remove your ego, and breakdown what that hurtful word means to you. It’s uncomfortable, but the more uncomfortable conversations we have. The less uncomfortable they become.

I know you’re dying to know what happened right, I asked to leave shortly after that, it was getting late anyway. He drove me home, all the way there telling me how successful he was, how spiritual he was, essentially telling me how he ticks all my boxes right. We got to my house, I thanked him for dinner and then had to do the cobra (moving my head from side to side) as he tried to kiss me. Obvs that wasn’t going to happen.

He texted me relentlessly, for about two weeks after that. Eventually, I said, ‘I’m out here living my best gold-digger life, I suggest you do the same’. He apologized for what he said, but unfortunately, the damage was already done. While I appreciate that he heard a rumor about me and took the time to find out for himself if it was true or not. Throwing around hurtful words is never ok, and I respect myself way too much to give him the opportunity to hurt me again.

Have you ever been called a gold digger before? How did you handle it?

Tamryn Sher
tamrynsher@gmail.com
1 Comment
  • Rachel Anne Sher
    Posted at 18:44h, 13 December Reply

    wow, that was an incredible read. I could read these stories all day if i had the time !

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